35! – Originally Written March 3, 2008
The number 35 is significant to me today for two reasons:
First of all, today I have successfully completed the first 35 weeks of pregnancy. It hasn’t been easy. My head was in the toilet for about the first 32 weeks…and a few times since then. I’ve pretty much given up on sleeping. And, my back feels like I’ve been hit by a truck. But, I can’t complain too much. From what I hear, these things are just part of it…and there are a lot of things other women experience that I have been blessed to avoid. Let’s just say, at this point, I’m not quite ready to do it again.
I have, however, been blessed with a healthy baby. We did have a slight scare several weeks ago. My doctors thought they saw a blood clot on my ultrasound. Thankfully it turned out to be nothing. Aside from being a bit on the small side, Mikayla is developing well and from what the docs can tell, she’s healthy as can be.
The second reason…I only have 35 DAYS left before Mikayla’s due date. That’s it…35 days!! It’s a weird feeling, a good blend of excitement and sheer terror. There are so many unknowns – from delivery to potty training to financial concerns.
I experienced something for the first time a few days ago – a feeling of helplessness as a parent. A friend of mine has a 4 month old with a cold and a bit of a cough. It was sad to see such a little baby experience those miserable symptoms. I realized that once Mikayla is born, I can’t protect her from sickness or injury. Of course, with the pregnancy hormones making me crazy anyway, that feeling grew to this overwhelming feeling of insignificance and helplessness to protect her from anything.
I imagine that feeling only grows as she gets older. Instead of a cold threatening her it may be boys or drugs or who knows. If it’s already hard to let go and allow God to be in control, I can’t imagine how hard it will be later on.
I write this not to solicit advice from every parent out there, although good advice is always welcome, but mostly just to document this day in my own mind. I have a terrible memory and sometimes things just stick better if I share them. In a few short weeks, I will be documenting Mikayla’s birth and I’ll post pictures as soon as I can!
Mike and I appreciate all your prayers and love and support!